The Most Eligible Bachelor
by Surreal Realities
Summary: Riza's weird, Roy's captured, Max and Ruby teach valuable life lessons and the manservants are gay Royai. [if U want me to update, review. The next chapter is already ready to be published so hurry!]
1. Chapter 1: Max and Ruby

Okay so here is a random and romantic fic about Roy and Riza me and my sister just randomly came up with it while we were staring at the computer screen, hope U like it!!

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Roy mustang was walking idly down the road one day.

When two strange men jumped out of a garbage truck and grabbed him.

"AAH!" Yelled Roy, "Let me go" He struggled against the two men.

The two garbage men were wearing garbage bags over their heads. They hauled him to the truck and threw him in the back.

Roy struggled and struggled but to no avail. He then gave up and resorted to screaming for help.

Unfortuanately it was a really yucky day out and everyone had decided to stay home that day and watch Max and Ruby.

Roy screamed and yelled for help but since max and Ruby was on nobody came and helped him. He was soon knocked out by a big garbage bag when the truck turned the corner and he fell unconcious.

Elsewhere

"Yes that's right Max, you should NEVER EVER EVER stick your head in a garbage bag." "Never stick your head in a garbage bag" Havoc repeated robotically

"SCENE CHANGE!!" The director yelled from her cool little chair!

Roy awoke and saw nothing but darkness. "AAH!! I'm BLIND!!!" He screeched.

Then someone flicked on the lights.

Roy blinked. "oh..." He then looked around the place he was in.

... Brad Pitt? Leonardo De Caprio? What the cheese are they doing there?

Roy blinked "Where are we?" He asked the good looking men.

Brad Pitt chewed his thumb and gargled.

Roy sighed, these men might be hansom but certainly not smart. He stood up and looked for an exit. Just then the door flew open which caused Roy to fall back on his butt. "Ow!" Roy exclaimed and looked up to see who had done that. A tall blonde woman was standing in the door way grinning at all the men in the room. Her smile faded immediately into a frown.

"What? Only three guys? That SUCKS!! Where is everyone?!" she exclaimed.

Roy stared at her.

"Um... what's going on here?" He asked.

"Well honey, I asked my two gay man servants to go get me the cutest guys around and well... I was expecting more than this!!"

"Um.. I'm flattered?" Roy said questionably "but why?"

"Be-CUASE! Pretty girls like me aren't SUPPOSED to be SINGLE!!" Roy backed away slightly wondering where this girl got her temper.

"And why are you single?" He asked curiously.

"THAT IS NONE OF YOUR BUISNESS!!" she shrieked. "... Ahem excuse me... Never mind that okay?" Roy nodded, frightened of the girl. Brad Pitt gurgled.

"Um... okay not him..." she concluded. The garbage men pulled him away screaming and kicking and gurgling and foaming. Roy watched.

"Well now, I guess I should introduce myself. I'm Riza. And... you two are...?"

"R-Roy Mustang... "Roy replied.

"Leonardo De Caprio" Leonardo said.

"Well it's nice to meet you." She glanced at Roy "Very nice to meet you." Roy blinked,

"Um... you too." He looked down at the ground, wondering when he could leave.

"Hm" She bent over and stared Roy straight in the face. "I like this one." she said straightening up "Get rid of the other one." The gay man servants nodded and dragged Leonardo out of the room.

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Hope U liked the first chapter!! REVIEW OF THE GAY MANSERVANTS WILL FIND YOU!!!!


	2. Chapter 2: The next installment

Chapter two is up! YAY! not like anybody cares cough

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Roy watched the men carry out Loenardo, leaving him now alone with the scarey lady. The scary lady glares at the narrorator who cowers in fear.

"Well now we have a chance to get to know eachother." she gestured to the couch. "Why don't you sit somewhere more... comfortable." Riza sat down on the couch and smiled at him. Roy blinked and sat down beside her, feeling more than just a bit weirded out.

"Um... so..." He stammered, not knowing quite what to say. She slid closer.

"Why don't you tell me a little about you." she said leaning close to him so that she was only cenimeters from the side of his face. He blinked and moved a little further away.

"Um... Well I... um... I really don't know if there is really much to say.." He continued to stammer.

"Well I'm sure you can think... of something..." she whispered brushing his ear with her lips.

"Uhh.." He blushed and turned his head to look her in the eyes.

"Or... we don't have to talk" she said and leaned into kiss him. Roy leaned back,

"Wait! I don't even know you all that well!" He argued, comming up with the best excuse he could so he didn't have to swap spit with the insane woman.

"Aww!" she protested pulling back "Why exactly is that so important?"

"um.. be... because I uh... have to know... you better?" He said/asked. Riza stared at him skeptically.

"While that's the first time I've ever heard a guy say that, especially to me."'

"Um.. yeah... and... um... ya..." Was all Roy could manage to say.

"I'd say it was... almost sweet but only an idiot couldn't tell that you were lying." Roy frowned _damn_ he thought.

"Who said I was lying?" He managed to say with a straight face.

"Me." she stated planely staring him straight in the face. Roy sighed

"Well still..."

"Still what? I know your just stalling! Do you have a problem or something? Oh wait let me guess, your more into the bookish kind!" she bellowed.

"What? NO!!!" Roy argued. "I just don't... I don't know..."

"Oh you don't huh!?" She roared standing up "Well figure it out!!"

"Can I go home now?" He asked, looking at her.

"NO!" screamed the crazy girl and stormed out of the room. Roy cowered and sat on the couch alone for a very long time. He sighed,

"I wanna go home." He sniffed. The room was silent. He looked around the room sadly, wondering if there was anyone to talk to. A mouse name Martin ran out of a hole.

"Hi there. I am Martin, well usually I am but sometimes... when my darker half breaks loose... I am Bleekernshpeel..." hissed the rodent. He then ran behind the couch. Roy looked at where the mouse had dissappeared and shook uncontrolably. Roy had gone into shock. The mouse was scarey. The room was dimly lit and due to this fact Roy could've sworn he saw something move in the corner. He continued to shake and his breathing became shallow and quick. He shook more. His lips started turning blue due to lack of air and he keeled over, falling unciouncious on the wierd floor. Riza showed up about an hour later to find him on the ground. She sighed.

"Stupid Martin..." she muttered.

"It's Bleekernshpeel!" screamed a small voice from the shadows. Roy layed there silently, fearing the mouse named Bleekernshpeel.

"Hey!" hissed Riza shaking Roy slightly. "Hey!" she said louder. Roy groaned and whined and rolled over on his back so he could see his saviour better.

"Well this sucks!" He commented, noticing who it was, She took no notice and dragged him to his feet.

"I've gotta get pest control in here..." Roy nodded,

"That would be a good idea." He sighed. "Can I go home NOW?"

"STOP ASKING!!" she yelled "No you can't leave until I'm done with you!!" Her expression changed suddenly and she smiled warmly "But you are welcome to explore your new home."

"WAAAH!" Roy cried and walked out of the room to explore the house. It was MMAASSSSIIIVVVEEE!! Tha halls stretched on and on with seemingly no end. The floor was carpeted with dark red velvet that had a beige trimming on the side. The walls were lime green with purple stripes flowing horizontally across the hallway, making it seem even longer. The roof was painted light pink with tiny peakock blue polkadots and there were strobe lights on the ground.

"What a hideous house" Roy said, wrinkling his nose and staring at the strobe lights, unfortunatley the strabe lights caused him to have another seizure so he fell over again.

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OOOH!!!! WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!! Wait... when did Roy have a first seizure?


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